Soapbox

Take a Chance

    Dear Woman standing ahead of me at the Speedway gas station at 7:30 in the morning,
            Sweetie, I have something to tell you, and you're not gonna want to hear it, but it's the truth: you are NOT going to win the lottery.
I don't care how many times you play your boyfriends' birth date, and whether you go straight or boxed or what cute pictures are on the card you scratch. You are not going to win.

       Normally I couldn't care less what you do with your money and your time, but right now, I am skating awfully close to being late for work. I just stopped in to grab some coffee, thinking I could run in and run right out but I did not count on being in line behind you and your 2 packs of Marlboro- no the soft packs,  and a Snicker bar, and lets see… how can I pay my stupidity tax today? So many bright and shiney tickets to choose from,  all with different names and different gimmicks, like the midway games at the fair with the crappy, sawdust-stuffed prizes, and then there are numbers, so many numbers to choose!
     I sighed heavily a few times but you did not get the hint and kept laughing and joking with the clerk about how you've just got to start the day with your tickets. Look, we all have something we start our day with. Me, it's this coffee I'm drinking even though I haven't yet paid for.  For the guy in the clothes of a road crew  it's apparently a morning slice of pepperoni pizza and Budweiser (ok, that's a scary thought… I"m gonna tell myself the Bud is going in his truck for lunch break) For the lady behind him in the Michelin man parka, sprayed-on jeans and gold stilletto boots it's probably that doughnut…
     You know, you're like the person with 47 items and 48 coupons, half of them expired, who gets in the 12 items or less express lane in front of you at the grocery store.
      Seriously, lady! This is a convenience store! You're are being very inconvenient right now. You are not going to win! I know, it sucks. But it's true. You could turn around and give me the 20 dollars you are spending on lottery, and be just as well off.
      In fact, tell you what: here's a dollar. Take it to walk out the door right now  and you will get more free money from this deal than you are ever going to get from a lottery ticket.

      Note to self- tomorrow, I am driving thru Tim Hortons.