Soapbox

And Bells on her Toes

    It's slow right now in custom framing, so today I spent 5 hours in the warehouse, unpacking Christmas decorations. I unboxed and sorted onto carts santa-this and snowman-that and angel-the other things until I thought my brain would bleed.
    It was a little bit surreal, too, listening to halloween muzak and unpacking boxes of Christmas items that were made in China. I finished my shift covered with more glitter than a drag queen. This year almost everything is either sequined or glittered. I unpacked a box of 16 inch high nutcrackers covered in gold sequins. Never saw anything so  tacky in my life.  Started calling them "the Pimp-crackers" for obvious reasons. But you know what? they will probably fly off the shelves. Why, America? Why?

     While opening and unwrapping dozens and dozens and dozens of assorted Christmas cookie tins, I had a flash back to last year, spending hours on the floor putting dozens and dozens and dozens of Christmas tins in shelves, thinking "Enough already!"  But then we'd sell them all, and put out more the next week.
     It is my belief that enough Christmas tins have been manufactured just in the last 5 years that every person on earth should have one by now. Hell, every person in America could have one just from the ones JoAnns has sold. I think peasants in the rugged mountains of Afghanistan probably keep things in old Christmas tins from the USA.
    Our biggest sellers are a set in assorted sizes that say "Peace" "Love" and "Joy". It would be nice to have a set that say "Reduce", "Reuse" and "Recycle" because I"m pretty sure people  just throw these damn things out every year to make room for next years' tins.

      "How are you doing back here?" Rachelle asked when she came back to get something that was on hold.
     "If Santa Claus walked in here right now, I would kick him in the nuts" I said as I ripped open yet another box of stuffed Santa doorknob hangers.
     Now in my entire life I believe the only thing I have ever felt the need to hang from my doorknob was the occasional sweater  that I was too lazy to open the closet for, and yet apparently we anticipate that at least 100 people in Columbus are going to feel that their house is bare and Christmas is not complete without a Santa or a snowman to hang from their doorknob. Go figure.
      I loaded an entire cart with outdoor decorations: Santas and snowmen and reindeers in cute little hats with sticks up their asses so you can jam them in the front yard. Most  of them say pithy things like "Christmas is almost here!" apparently for people whose neighbors do not have calendars, I guess.  
     Whatever. I shouldn't complain. Yes, it's junk and most of it is ugly. Yes, if people gave half the money they normally spend on useless junk like this to charities there wouldn't be hungry children at Christmas… but I should just go with the flow. Who am I to begrudge the world a little decoration during the cold, dark months of the year, right?

    Then I found the 8 boxes of "wreaths" made entirely out of neon colored, glitter-sprinkled bells.

     Yeah, I'm pretty sure the human race is doomed.