Soapbox

Priorities

So I’ve got this kid…

…and when I picked her up after school yesterday she told me that she had a paper about “the stupid science fair." (gee, do you think maybe she’s still mad that we’re making her compete in it?) and another paper…

"…about being in some thing, which I am not going to do, where you compete about how much you know about stuff or something…and it’s probably totally lame and I am not going to do it, so you don’t even need to look at the paper!"

Wonder where she gets that negative attitude from? Couldn’t be from me. I was never sarcastic and dismissive.

I had visions of this being some Quiz-bowl type event and was thinking, evil Nazi mother that I am, that maybe she should do it. It turned out to be something called "Preteen Ohio Scholarship and Recognition Program" and she’s quite right- she’s not going to do it.

Held at the beautiful Holiday Inn Worthington in August, for 3 days, they make a point of saying that it is NOT a beauty contest, but an invitation-only "scholarship and recognition event". Recognition for what? Outstanding contribution in the category of wearing make-up and hair extension in the 6^th grade?

"NOT a beauty pageant!" it insists again on the back, (you know, they more they feel they have to assure you that it isn’t a beauty pageant, the more you know that it really pretty much is) "but an event that promotes family values, high moral and ethical standards, patriotism and self-esteem." "A wholesome family activity" we’re told.

Wait a minute. Patriotism? It’s somehow patriotic now to judge kids on how well they conform to pageant standards? The better the pageant dress, the stronger America is? Do they get extra points for remembering to say “freedom fries�??
And what is this “family values"  nonsense? Do they write essays about being nice to their siblings?Teach them how to take care of their parents in their old age?  In my experience the phrase "family values" is usually followed by the exhortation to hate and demean someone who is different than you are.
Patriotism, morals and family values in the same sentence? Sounds more like a Republican bill to repeal civil rights than a middle school quiz bowl. And as for it being a “family activity", I doubt seriously that there is anything for her brother to do there!

Ted was reading over the evaluation format: 20% of the final score is for academic achievement. Wow- a whole 20%. Then they score volunteer service, school activities, (do you think they gave as many points for being in the chess club as for being a cheerleader?) "personal skills and abilities" (ohh- I smell a talent competition! Break out the sheet music for “the Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" everyone! )  and have an interview to “measure communication ability".

Brittney, how would you solve world hunger?

I’d feed people more.

Isn’t she wonderful, folks?

It also said there was a general knowledge quiz. "Well it’s not total fluff- there is some sort of test, at least." Ted said.
"Ted, it says it’s a multiple choice quiz to measure “awareness of current trends and common sense!" I said, shaking my head. "To get 100%, you probably just read Teen People magazine!"

Apparently this is an exercise to get your kid primed for bigger pageants in high school, or to sell classes in "how to be a future sorority girl" or something equally useful. Well, I’m sure there are girls for whom this would be the high point of their life, but how they got the idea that my smart, opinionated and outside-the-box daughter would give a fig for any “recognition" they might hand out is beyond me.

And of course it costs almost $300 to compete! They actually suggest that you con some business into sponsoring you- but hey, you might win recognition for "best thank-you note to your sponsor" so clearly, that’s worth the begging. And if you win top honors, you get a savings bond (ah, that’s how they get to call it a scholarship competition) and get to go to nationals in Baton Rouge, and spend more money. Wow. Katie already hates me forever for making her go to district in the science fair- imagine how she would react to that!

"Besides" Ted pointed out, "it says they require you to wear a dress at the final ceremony."

"Not even for the Pope!" Katie announced, and we all nodded, the issue forever settled right there. My girl has her standards. Besides, she’s too busy rollerblading and practicing her foul shots for basketball next year to practice smiling and walking in high heels like a moral, patriotic, family values female.