Soapbox

     I believe that I would enjoy Christmas more if there weren't so many people involved.
 
   December is a difficult time, so dark and empty. Everything is going to sleep and you sometimes wonder if it will ever wake up again. It is the perfect time for a celebration of rebirth and light, for candles and greenery and the smell of spicy, sweet things baking to warm you and sustain you. Perfect for singing songs of hope and renewal, and all the elements that make solstice celebrations and the Christmas story so timely, and so sorely needed.
      But then people just muck it all up.
    There's so damn much hustle and bustle: shopping and parties and god-damned ho-ho-ho. So many expectations.
    God forbid you feel introspective and reflective and subdued as the earth slumbers toward spring. No – you have to be merry! And bright! You have to decorate your house, inside and out, and go to parties, and host parties, and shop and wrap; caroling, maybe, and sending cards— make sure you send one to everybody who sent you one last year, for goodness' sake! Bake cookies for the neighbors, don't be the last to get your tree up and listen to little Michael Jackson tattle on Mommy for kissing Santa Claus.
    As for Santa- that guy is selling cars and beer and women's lingere! He shops at Sears- no, Macys- no, Best Buy! Apparently all those elves got outsourced just like so many of us did.

   Christmas used to arrive rather more quietly, like the crunch of a boot through new-fallen snow. Now it screams like a freight train, with the subtlety of a hurricane and just as disruptive to everyone's lives. It has become an orgy of noise and chaos, of traffic and bank balances, with glitter everywhere- even between your toes- and plastic snowflakes and everywhere is red, like the earth is bleeding.
    Lovely green trees, meant to be a symbol of continuing life are covered, every inch of them, with ribbons and bells, glitter and light-up angels and sequined nutcrackers and Jersey Shore ornaments… so burdened that you can't even see the green, can't smell that wonderful citrusy aroma…. because the damn thing isn't a tree anyway! It's plastic, made from the same god-damned oil that we're killing each other (and the planet) for.
   How's that for a symbol of life? But it's not even green anyway- it's silver, or pink, with glitter and fake snow. Ah yes, I feel so renewed and hopeful just thinking about it.

   Once before I die, I want a gentle christmas: a doe instead of a bull-elephant. A season of unforced cheerful greetings where no one fights over the script. I want wood smoke in crisp air, one gift, perfect in it's love and intention, a gift of warmth and comfort rather than convenience and 40% off.  I want the glittering eyes of children when that first flake of snow, like a crystalline dream, drifts into their outstretched hands.
   Until that perfect day comes I will try to create tiny moments that speak to the same spirit: early morning Christmas day, before the family gets up, sitting in the almost-dark by the tree we decorated with tradition and paper-crafted memories, sipping coffee, breathing the stillness and the peace, holding it in amber as talisman against the after-christmas sales looming on the horizon.

…And it came to pass that it rained all day that Christmas
with the wind out of the west, gusting to the bone.
The kids were bored and sullen and they grumbled at the weather
'cause they couldn't take their sleds out and had to stay at home.

And it came to pass that they all ate too much dinner,
argued over the dishes and who'd take out the trash.
Mom  was complaining and Dad pontificating-
there was way too much family for this Christmas joy to last.

As the rain came down they huddled under bridges.
wrapped their coats around them and endured another day
and the only trip they made was to the church around the corner
where they kept a pot of coffee and would let a fellow stay.

But the sun came up, like always, and the rooms were still and empty
except for all the memories of the other lonely years.
Little celebration when you greet each day alone
with regrets for your company, wrap a bow around your fears.

And it came to pass that there was no 'why' of christmas
'cause they buried it in tinsel and stuff they didn't need-
in distilled good cheer and carols that were just familiar melodies
to celebrate indulgence with little thought and deed.

But it came to pass that the sun broke through the clouds
and a bird sang very softly- it might have been a dove
and somewhere, someone paused, and their smile lit a candle
wihich lit another candle… and ignited Christmas love.
 

   I'm getting tired already of all the "Pray for the little angels" and "Share this candle for the lost souls" and "Wear green and white on Monday for Sandy Hook School" posts all over FB.
REALLY? I know it is all very well intentioned by people who are genuinely moved, but is that ALL you are going to do?

   Yet another group of innocent children was gunned down and the best you can offer is to post a f**king candle or send the school a card??? You can't call anybody, petition your government, join an activist group, write to the editor of your paper?
   I guess you want the world to know terribly sad you are that it happened, but…  you're not sad enough to try to do ANYthing to try to keep it from happening again.

   Q: Can a clerk at a gun shop refuse to sell a gun to someone who has a legal right to purchase, if his conscience tells him the person is dangerous?

    I ask this question because the Michigan Republicans passed a bill that says Michigan grocery store clerks may refuse to accept Food Stamps for payment of qualifying purchases if they have "moral objections" or BELIEVE THAT ACCEPTING FOOD STAMPS AS PAYMENT IS 'A MATTER OF CONSCIENCE" '
    And under the bill, the clerks, whose consciences would be so sorely wounded by selling people food to feed their kids, cannot be fired by their employers for refusing to do their jobs.
   Can you imagine a legislature being so concerned- not about how many hungry people are in their state, but about protecting the jobs of people who refuse to sell food to hungry people and then claim that its their conscience that prevents them?

Conscience. I do not believe that word means what they think it means.

   They passed a similar law saying doctors can refuse to treat you- for ANY condition- as long as they simply claim it bothers their alleged conscience. Heart attack, obesity, venereal disease, impotence- doctors (and grocery store clerks) are the newly appointed morality police. All in the name of religious freedom, of course, and protecting their delicate little consciences.

   But clearly, such people HAVE no conscience. No heart, no compassion, and absolutely no shame.

   A teenaged friend of mine wondered, in disbelief, what possible reason there was to do this: if there is a single argument "for" this bill that makes sense.
I believe that the 'for" argument goes: 'If I decide that my religion says that letting people buy food with food stamps (taxpayer money) is immoral, then telling me that I have to sell it to them anyway because it's my job violates my religious freedom.' (Wah wah wah, I'm so oppressed!!!)

   So… no, dear, not an argument that makes any sense.

   To me, it's about controlling and scapegoating people. It started with the right to refuse to sell women emergency contraception on the grounds that they are 'bad women' and it's somehow against your religion to enable 'bad women' to continue their evil ways, and gosh, just ringing the cash register makes you part of it. (Of course they say its about killing babies, but since emergency contraception doesn't do that, it's just a smoke screen for misogyny)

    If it stopped right there it would be horrible enough, but to even suggest that any religion says you must not feed hungry people is just disgusting.

    I guess the idea is that our economy is a mess because of all the lazy people using food stamps, so we should punish and shame them. Even though a huge portion of people using food assistance programs are, in fact, not lazt at all and work full time at Walmart, and are so poorly paid that they can't even feed their kids without help!

    Now if someone told me that, for this reason, their religion said that they must not shop at Walmart, that would make more sense to me.

    But that returns me, on this day of sadness and horror, to my original question. Are there any legal protections for a clerk at a gun shop who refuses to sell a customer a gun which they seem to be legally able to purchase because their conscience tells them that the man is dangerous and their religion tells them "thou shalt not kill"?
    The answer to that comes indirectly, as that same Michigan band of thieves and idiots known as the legislature, on the very morning when a mad man was gunning down 20 children in their classrooms, passed a law saying that teachers, principals, janitors and I assume, safety conscience parents, must be allowed to carry concealed weapons IN SCHOOLS.
    So I'm guessing that's a resounding 'no' to my question.

    NOt sell a gun to someone? My goodness, who ever could think that any religion might demand that you try to stop a possibly dangerous madman from obtaining a deadly weapon?? Because, so the argument advanced by Ann Coulter goes, the only way to stop these mass killings is to have more guns.
    But of course we have more guns, year after year, and since Obama's election the number of guns purchased has exploded! More and more and more guns every year- and in 2012  we have had more people killed in mass shootings than any year in our  history.
    So is there some critical weight, some tipping point at which more guns finally becomes enough guns to actually stop mass killings?  Whatever it is, we clearly haven't reached it yet.

    "Where were the metal detectors at this school?" someone cried. Seriously? It's an elementary school! I really don't think I could face the day knowing my kids were attending a kindergarten where they had to pass through a metal detector.  We don't need metal detectors at schools and movie theatres and grocery stores- what we need in this land is an insanity protector, that will go off with screaming lights and sirens whenever a person completely devoid of reason and conscience passes through.

   If Michigan had one of those in Lansing, the legislature would be out of business.

I don't usually go off like that.

    Ok, let me rephrase: I don't usually go off like that and let it stand. But there's a first time for everything.

    Yesterday I found what I thought was a very interesting piece drawing parallels between Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the virtual concentration camp of Gaza and the way the US treats our "imperial subjects" in various war zones, and the way the elite in fact treat the working poor in blighted urban neighborhoods, with austerity measures pushing us toward virtual concentration camps.  So I posted it in a Facebook group I was invited to join a little while ago. I wasn't sure I agreed with all of it, but I thought it might spark some interesting conversation.
    There were sparks, alright.

    The first comment (and only) was someone who said "With all due respect, Tracy Lynne Stout Meisky, this is utter bullshit".

    I was taken aback. I thought about it for a few minutes, decided "Do not engage. Do not ask what specifically he objects to. Just withdraw. this is not a conversation that will end well" So I displayed what I thought was the better part of valor and simply deleted the post.
   Whatever.  You don't like it? It's gone from your sight. Pretend it was never there. No skin off my nose.

    Today I checked the group page to see what was new and found that, not content with merely telling me last night that I am full of shit, this same guy felt he needed to call me out BY NAME on the site. His post began,
      Tracy Lynne Stout Meisky, until you have more experience and knowledge in the area of  international relations, you have no business…
or something like that. Honestly, I don't even remember. As soon as I realized that he was publically turning me over his knee and spanking me for posting something that he considered "wrong", I went OFF.
       For crying out loud- I didn't even write the thing in question, nor did I say I agreed with it! I just had the temerity to post something that chastized Israel (which I'm guessing was the nature of his profound need to piss all over me.)

    I don't even remember what all I said, though it was only about 3 sentences. I do recall that it began with "You know what- fuck you!" and that I said calling me out personally like that was shitty behavior. (Nice, huh? What a way you have with words, Tracy!)  And then I quit the group.

   Before I found the post someone had said "Wow, thanks for the great information!" but other comments of "Um, am I missing something here?" make me think that whatever he said- I literally did not read beyond the first sentence- he kept up with the public shaming theme. But maybe not. I'll never know, because I quit the group. I can't even go back and delete my temper tantrum! And so there it stands, with all it's foul language, until the moderator ( a friend of Barb's) deletes it himself.
~sigh~

    So… that happened. There goes all of my excitement about so many people praising something I wrote. Moral of the story: Step away from the keyboard, old lady. I feel burned and definitely twice cautious now. I know that some people thrive on this kind of stuff and seem to love 'yelling' at complete strangers. I hate it. It makes me cringe, like fingernails on a blackboard, and gives me a headache.  I honestly don't expect everyone to agree with me, so I'm not sure why I got so incredibly hurt by that guy…. no, I know what it was. It was the way he used my name. It makes me want to leave all my groups and stop writing, crawl back into my emily Dickenson shell. I'm nobody… and probably it should stay that way.

    Maybe I should have used his name in my reply; said Douchey McJerk pants… with all due respect, you are an ass. Instead, I was an ass too.