Soapbox

Dear Ohio Attorney General DeWine,

    On behalf of my husband and myself, I would like to express our abiding gratitude for your tireless efforts to keep us together as man and wife. 
     As my daughter plans her wedding to the woman she loves so dearly, I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that you are on the job, spending my tax dollars to keep them legally apart, so that her father and I can retain the sanctity of our own marriage.

    I know that some today think it is ignorant and undemocratic to cling to primative prejudices and deny some citizens equal rights simply because they think and feel differently than the majority.  But without you to defend marriage from people like her who want to get married, who knows what the future might hold?
    Thanks in no small part to you and your courageous actions before the courts, we may never have to know the horror of these two young people being able to have the full protections of matrimony as they save to purchase their first home, build their careers and plan their family. Why even unto death, you are vigilant, making sure that they will have to move to some other state if they want to call each 'spouse' on a death certificate. Because what greater threat could there be to the stability of our beloved Ohio than that?

    It is a relief to know that, if her partner becomes the biological mother of their children, my lovely daughter will never be able to have legal custody rights to the family they raise and sacrifice for together. And my husband and I will never, in the eyes of the state, be the grandparents of the beautiful babies we bounce on our knees.

    And so, for these and all the other special things you have done to for us, I would like to extend to you an invitation to the ceremony they are planning. Please come and see the flowers, hear the music, witness their trembling hands and flushed faces at the altar and gaze into the misty, joyful eyes of their loving family and friends, so that you can fully appreciate in your heart just what it is that you have protected us from.

    Because without your efforts to defend us, when the big day arrrives and we all throw rice and cheer, those two happy young people might walk back down the aisle- not just together in their hearts but also united in wedlock. 

    So f**k you for saving us from all of that. Yes, f**k you so much from the very bottom of our broken hearts.

    Sincerely-
          A lot of Ohio parents, who wouldn't vote for you if you were the last candidate on earth.

Dear America- Racism is not a problem in America. Talking about racism, though, is causing all kind of trouble! 

    The good (white) people of FOX News want you to know that they are not racists, nor are they entitled. Anyone who says they are, clearly IS a racist: a reverse racist, which is totally a thing.
   Yes, there would be a lot more peace and unity in America without all those minorities who talk smack about the majority in power. Those reverse racists are really stirring things up, so much so that white folks can't even walk around Walmart with a semi-automatic rifle while not being shot at without someone 'making it about race'.

   There is simply no need for America to have a dialogue about race- unless it's to talk about how unfair it is to call someone a racist. But to talk about racial bias, about the ways the system punishes black citizens more harshly than whites for the same infractions is playing the race card.
    The only proper way to deal with what you perceive to be racism is to shut the hell up about it! Just ignore it and be on your way. Well …if you can be on your way… if you're not face down on the side of the road in zip cuffs.
    But you know what-  if you are, it's probably your fault!

   Sean Hannity knows for a fact that this blather about black folks getting roughed up by cops more often that white folks is just race-baiter whining, yessiree.
   And the way he knows is that when his rich white ass gets pulled over by the cops- he just speaks to them respectfully, lifts his shirt and shows them the butt of the legally registered firearm that he has tucked into his pants… and they say "Nice piece, Mr. Hannity. Love your show, by the way!"
    So you see? If a rich, famous white dude can get along with the cops, what are you inner city hip-hop thugs whining about??

    And America- you have got to stop bitching about white cops shooting unarmed black people!

    First: because black-on-black crime!! Black people shoot black people too! And that negates the bi-weekly shooting by a white cop of a minority citizen, just the way your 2 kids getting into a fight means shut up and stop complaining about me stealing your car.
    And second, can we please stick to facts and stop talking about this unfortunate Michael Brown incident as a case of a cop shooting an 'unarmed teenager'?! That's totally misleading and unfairly biased against the officer involved!
    Michael Brown was over 6 feet tall, and over 200 lbs. And it's a well-known fact that size adds years to a person, so at that size, he was at least 21 or 22 and not really a teenager at all. (Hey all you beefy high school football players out there: you may be only 16, but if you're wearing size 13's and ducking through doorways already, FOX wants you to know that you are an adult now. So go have a cold one on them!)
    And please! Any black man of that size IS armed folks: he is armed with a whole shit-load of blackness! All that minority rap-Muslim-brotherhood-roaring black-panther-power is almost as dangerous as a Tec 9 (and clearly way more dangerous to a cop than anything Sean Hannity carries in his pants).
   And if he's black, and he's a little belligerent, and walking down the street all sagging and gangsta ball cap-ish- well any cop knows he has a gun! And if it's not actually with him at the time he gets shot- that's just a technicality. He probably left it at home and was gonna use it tomorrow, or has a picture of himself somewhere on social media, posing with a gun… or maybe a B-B gun, which Ohio cops know is the same thing.
   So when a police officer is faced with a not-teenager, not technically armed with a gun or knife but filled to the brim with all that deadly minority stuff, what else could they do but shoot 10 times!!… several shots as he was running away, the rest while he had his hands up? I mean: did I mention that he was black? And jaywalking. And really, really black? 
   But look- I'm not saying that in a racist way… it's just a fact.

    Talking about racism all the time implies that it's white people's fault that so many criminals are black! It's not that we've got all the power, the jobs and the opportunity: you're just thugs.
   Well ok, some of you probably aren't, but how are we supposed to tell? A black person once broke into my house, so I'm permitted- nay, I'm supposed to be afraid of all black people.

    And no: the fact that so many officers from the Ferguson PD have been caught saying incredibly violent and racist things isn't evidence that there is a racism problem in America.
   Nor is all those people donating money for officer Wilson's defense / vacation fund while saying things like "one more animal put down" or 'he should have done us all a favor and shot a few more- I'll buy him the bullets".
  That's TOTALLY not their fault! They wouldn't be saying things like that (…in public media where everyone can see it) if all the black power agitators hadn't goaded them into it by protesting their kids getting shot!

   The Ferguson police didn't put on riot gear and tear gas people in their own front lawns and fire rubber bullets at camera crews and preachers and break into churches to steal Maalox because they are authoritarian power-freaks! Don't be silly! 
    They did it because the black people forced them to do it… by getting together in such large groups and being black (which as we have already established, is a clear and present danger).
   …And by complaining to the media. It's really outrageous to make a fuss about what you perceive as injustice towards people like you!
    Well… unless your beef is that you're being discriminated against as a Christian, because wow- that is totally a thing in America today! And anyway, Jesus wants us to talk about that on TV.
   And ok, it's true that atheists in riot gear aren't exactly shooting at Christian kids who are singing Christmas carols or using the term "Christmas tree' and then saying that the kids have too much wealth and too much Jesus to be considered "unarmed teenagers' … but it could happen! Obama says "Happy Holidays" after all!

    In conclusion, America:  stop all the protesting and making speeches! 
   Unless you're the Tea Party.
   Or open carry gun patriots.
   Or a guy who doesn't want to pay his grazing fees. That's different. That's about something important: government oppression. Kids getting shot just happens, people! You can't turn back the tide!
    And stop complaining about the police! And thinking that shoplifting or changing lanes without a signal shouldn't carry a death sentence. Sheesh.
   And stop all the voting. The only things worse than protesting racism is getting reverse racists to register to vote. That's  playing the race card and the voting taxpayer card, and we're not going to stand for it.
    And for sure, stop taking pictures of the cops shooting black people!  If you stop filming every random beating and shooting that happens and then bitching about it, I think you'll find that there will be a lot fewer stories like that in the news.

    And if you could manage to stop being black… that would really be great. Thanks.

Dear  National Organization for Marriage,

    Since the 6th circuit has been hearing arguments about overturning gay marriage bans in several states (including my own) I wanted to address your most recent attempt at justifying your bigotry.
   The main thrust of your argument was to quote G.K. Chesterton and say that if a chair is different than other chairs then it isn't really a chair.  From this devastatingly brilliant remark  we are to understand that since a same sex marriage is not fundamentally  like a heterosexual marriage,  it isn't really a marriage. Sure,  same-sex couples can get something called a marriage license in some misguided states, but that will never make it a true marriage, because it doesn't conform to what society defines a marriage as being.
     You gay folks can call your horse a dog, too, but good luck getting it housebroken.
     Chairs. OK.
 
     Well, I would argue that in all of the important ways, same sex chairs ARE like heterosexual chairs. (Chairs? Really?)  The only way the two cannot be considered fundamentally the same is if you  believe that the single, salient, can't-be-changed-without- calling-a-bed-a-chair characteristic of marriage that makes it a true marriage is heterosexual intercourse.
    And that definition presupposes that the point of marriage is procreation by the married couple, with each other. And that isn't true. Look around! Millions of infertile couples,  middle-aged  newlyweds  and childless-by-choice couples would vigorously argue that procreation is not why they married at all.
   You insist that marriage is all about sex.
   The rest of us think marriage is about love.

   Except you don't really think that marriage is about sex, or about procreation either, as your next point makes clear.
   You go on to say that banning same-sex marriage is not at all discriminatory, because gay people can still get married any time they want to. They just have to marry someone of the opposite sex.  
   Think about what you just said:  the legal  union of a man and a woman who have no physical attraction to each other, who may be fond of each other but will never be in love and may never have sex…  THIS fits your definition of 'marriage' .
    But two people of the same sex who pledge to love each other, support and shelter each other, who wish to be a family together until their death- THIS does not? A Brittney Spears quickie marriage in Vegas with someone you barely know is 'a chair' but lifelong companions who adopt and raise children together is Soooo different that it's a bookcase?
    If you are seriously saying that  a loveless, sexless marriage is acceptable in your eyes as long as it involves a man and a woman, then marriage, to be a marriage, does not require love, procreation or even intercourse- just gender! But if marriage doesn't require sex- why do the parties have to be of different genders?

    When you remove God (which you have to do, because atheists can marry) and love, kids and sex from the requirement for a 'real' marriage,  what remains of marriage is a social and legal contract pertaining to joint ownership of property, custody and financial responsibility for children, insurance coverage and inheritance of estate after death.
    What is there in the above definition that precludes the contract from being made between 2 women or two men?
    Nothing. If two men can enter into a legal contract to form a company, file taxes, hire employees and provide goods and services,  then they can sign a marriage contract.
   Sorry, but the way your own arguments keep turning back on themselves it really does seem that. by your own definition. the gay marriage chair really IS just a slightly different chair. 

      Your final argument against same-sex marriage leaves furniture behind and ventures into musical theatre, since it is basically just Reb Tevye standing with his milk cow, shaking his fist and singing,
                     Tradition! Marriage should be arranged by the Papas!!
    We have never had same-sex marriage in America before, you say, so we can never have it.

    Ok, but we never had free public education for all children… until we did. Never had interracial marriage… but when we changed that, the country did not fall apart. Cats and dogs did not start living together- people didn't forget how to use a chair.
    We used to have slavery- and then we changed that. Women were not allowed to own property or to vote, but time went by and ideas and laws changed… and yet fundamentally things stayed the same. The sun still comes up in the east every day, even though women can vote and even run for office.
    And so it will be when Americans are allowed to marry the person they love the most, whether it be a man or woman. Tradition, after all,  is not necessarily good thing- it's just a thing.

    I'm sorry that you NOM types want society to stay frozen in place in 1776… or maybe 1576.. but society doesn't work that way. That which does not change eventually ceases to exist. Society adapts and evolves, just like everything else on the planet. I'm sure you don't like hearing me toss around ideas like 'evolution'- a lot of you probably think Noah had dinosaurs on the ark. And you can believe that if you want to. Isn't that great? But you cannot make me  believe it, or force me to live as if I do.
    So sure, you can believe that a same sex marriage is not an actual marriage because a horse is not a dog and a bed is not a chair, if that makes you feel safer. But marriage is a social and governmental contract- that's why it requires a license. It's a law, and new laws are being written and old laws are being amended every single day. It's called 'progress', you see?

    Earlier I compared you guys to Reb Tevye, crying for his tradition- but that's not really fair. In time Tevye came to see that what mattered more than 'the way things have always been' was the love and happiness of his children.
    He was a much wiser man than you.

Oh the water is gray, and I must not drink;
Arsenic and ash flowing into my sink
Watch Mercury rise- not in the sky
And they just excuse and they justify.

Now the water is orange, but they say that's fine
For the permit says they're within the line
But water don't stay: it runs deep and far
And they just drive away in their fancy car.

Then the governor spoke- and he said "Don't fear!
We'll investigate what has happened here"
But his pockets are full and the circle is drawn
And you can't get back what's dead and gone.

We must feed our kids and wash our hair
With a coal ash soup and  whispered prayer
And they get rich, and we die young
Cause lives don't count on the bottom rung.

They pump it away and consider it gone
But the toxic flume goes on and on
And the poison flows on to the bright blue sea
And the lead runs deep and the fish can't breathe.

They speak of jobs and of progress too
While our bean plants grow from a coal ash stew
And its hard to work when your skin peels red
And the water burns and the river is dead.

    "The world's worst persecution complexes belong to the persecutors"
                                                                                         ~Tweet Of God

I'm so so tired of hearing the same bogus arguments used to justify the awful, backward legislation being proposed all around the country to allow people to discriminate against anyone who doesn't comply with their religious worldview.
    All this pious talk of freedom of religion is of course nothing more than xenophobic entitlement and hate hiding behind a bible, but social conservatives repeat these excuses ad nauseum.
   There are two "go to" accusations used to prop up their oppressive agenda: here is a modest attempt to push back, and unpack the logical fallacy.

#1 Our religious freedom is under attack!

   This is a huge, all-purpose gripe, also used to excuse denying a woman access to insurance coverage for contraception if her bosses religion forbids it, and to let pharmacists refuse to give medication that they find religiously objectionable— to people who do not share their religion.
    From a biblical standpoint it is hogwash, because it implies that your pure faith would somehow be tainted by simply doing business (aka Your damn job!) with someone with different beliefs.
    Have you people ever read that New Testament thing? Because when I read it, Jesus Christ was always running around eating with and talking to and even healing people whom the religious authorities of his time assured him were unclean and unworthy. The Pharisees got offended and said Christ should refuse to 'do his job' with them. He did it anyway and informed them that God his Father was, in fact, just fine with that.
   Ah, but there is so much of the bible that gets abandoned by people using the Bible to justify what they're doing. So lets' move on to the legal/constitutional reason why they are full of hot air and martyr's tears.

Here are things that might happen if religious freedoms were actually under attack:

  * Amish people would be required to buy cars and use electricity.
  * Kids would not be allowed to attend Young Life after school, and parochial schools would be shut down.
  * Divorcees would not be allowed to re-marry.
  * Street preachers would be forbidden from waving their bibles and shouting that we're all going to hell for fornicating or drinking or not being born again.
  * You could get a ticket for believing in Creation or decorating your nursery with Noah's Ark.
  * Your boss could force you to use birth control.
  * You could be denied a job if it was known that you attended a church- or attended the wrong church.
  * Your church would be required to perform same-sex marriages… or interracial marriages, or interfaith marriages, or marriages between divorcees, or whatever type of marriage your church currently has the right to refuse to perform.
  * The entire Westboro Baptist church would be in jail  and you could be punished for standing up and saying that homosexuality is an abomination.

    If and when ANY of those things happen, I personally will be right alongside you protesting, because brothers and sisters, you have the right to believe whatever jack-up s**t you choose to believe, and to make your life choices accordingly. No one can tell you what to believe, or (as long as you aren't hurting others) how you must live.
There is no law against hating people and blaming it on Jesus.

     But simply telling you that you cannot force other people to live as if they follow your religion or punish them (by withholding services you provide to everyone else) if they do not– sorry. That's not an attack on your religion.
      That's called "Living in A Democratic Society".
   See, unless you live in a cabin in the wilderness, we all must make some accommodation to the various people we share this society with. You do not have to live like them or think like they do, or even respect them! But you DO have to treat them the way you treat everyone else.
    I, for example, cannot refuse to do business with a customer who walks in wearing a confederate flag shirt, or one with a threatening NRA slogan, even though my fervently held religious beliefs include peace and equality. That doesn't infringe on my rights: I do not have to be a bigot  or own guns myself, but I must rent those people a hotel room or serve them a meal, just as I do the people with whom I agree.

#2  We have to protect traditional marriage!
 
    Oh Wow- is someone trying to unmarry you and your spouse?
    Seriously- what's going on? To need protection, traditional marriage must be under attack, so… how are you being attacked?
    In states where same-sex marriage is allowed, are heterosexual marriage licenses being rationed now? Are you forced to get married in secret and pretend that you are not a couple,  not allowed to list your husband/wife on your death certificate as your spouse?
     Are you discouraged from getting married, told that yours is not a 'real' marriage? Do people try to talk you into getting therapy to discourage you from joining in such a strange union?
    Or perhaps heterosexual marriage is like Tinkerbell, and the fewer people who believe in it, the weaker it becomes until one day- poof!- straight couples will just wander away from each other forever?
No?
No. Of course not.
    Straight marriage is no more under attack from gay marriage than me eating chocolate ice cream attacks your vanilla cone.
Not taking the same life path as you in NO way blocks or damages your path.

    You folks speak as if there are a limited number of marriages available in the world and the gays are going to hog them all and soon there won't be any left for straight people.  Do you hear how whiney and silly you sound? The gays are coming for my family!! Grow up and stop talking like a 4 year old who needs a nap.

    Marriages are not like cookies. There are plenty to go around for everyone, in all varieties: straight and same-sex marriages, open marriages, inter-racial and interfaith marriages, angry marriages, loving marriages, childless marriages and quiver-full marriages, cathedral marriages and court house marriages, sudden marriages and year-long betrothal marriages. What a wonderful world, huh?

.   I pity you for the weakness of conviction and fear that drives you to try to make the whole world in your image. The world must be a scary place for you, with all us weirdos in it. But people with other beliefs are not attacking you by simply not agreeing with you.
    In fact, by trying to legalize discrimination against those who do not conform to your world view, YOU are the ones doing the attacking! So knock it off.