Soapbox

5 Victims and Counting

I am as staring-at-a-train-wreck fascinated as the next person by the unfolding story of molestation and cover-up in the Duggar (“18 Kids and Counting”) family, but I don’t want to indulge in the prurient allure of gossiping about this *awful* situation. And there is other stuff going on in the world!
Still I think it is valid to examine the facts we know and what they mean. There are lessons here beyond  what happened in what is being said now, both by the family and their legion of defenders.

FACT: Josh Duggar fondled multiple minor girls, at least some of whom were his sisters, on multiple occasions, including after having been caught and chastised about it.

FACT: At some point Josh was taken by his father to a state trooper friend whom we are told gave him a ‘stern lecture’ about his behavior. This sounds better than it is: said law enforcement official was later sentenced to 56 years in prison for CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.

FACT: At some point Josh was sent for ‘treatment” to a Christian ‘training’ center where he got prayed over. The founder himself faced multiple accusations of sexually intimidating and molesting girls who were under his authority. (Are you sensing a pattern here?)
So- treatment? Not so much. To our knowledge this boy (who was just a boy, but old enough to know that incest is wrong!) was never given any real, professional (ie. licensed psychiatrist) treatment.

FACT: the Duggar family used, as part of their homeschool curriculum, a lesson plan that taught that abused children should ask themselves “Why has God allowed this to happen?” and then offers several ways in which THE ABUSED CHILD MIGHT BE TO BLAME for the abuse, including “immodest clothing” and “evil friends”.

They also are part of a religious community that teaches children and women that what happens is God’s plan, and that authority figures are placed over them by God. If you are unhappy with what authority figures say or do, it tells them, then you are unhappy with God’s plan! The answer to your discontent is to pray for the blessing of more complete submission to God’s word.

THIS IS A BLUEPRINT FOR CHILD ABUSE.

Any system that teaches children that they may not complain or even question authority is a perfect feeding ground for abusers. Cults and very fundamentalist religions are rife with such abuse, not because all of the members are abusers, but because their very structure protects the abusers among them from discovery and when discovered, shields them from punishment, for the good of the group.

FACT: After this was supposedly all resolved (without any professional therapy) the Duggars enteres into a very lucrative agreement with TLC for their TV show. They  paraded themselves before America, week after week for years as examples of good Christian morals, all the while those molested children were living with their predator brother and smiling for the camera.

FACT: When the Oprah Winfrey Show heard rumors about the molestations, they reported it, and the Springdale police investigated. Mr. And Mrs Duggar assured police that Josh had gotten ‘therapy’ but later admitted that what they meant by that was they sent him to work for a friend doing remodeling work for a few months- ‘idle hands’ and all that.
Jim Bob Duggar at this time refused to allow Josh to be interviewed by police. they wrote up a report and  eventually dropped the case because the statute of limitations had expired by then.

FACT: an Arkansas judge just had Josh’s entire case record DESTROYED. Law enforcement admits that this is highly unusual. So  we will never know what else was in there. The judge explained this as “protecting the victims, one of whom is still a minor”. This would mean, since this abuse is alleged to have ended over a decade ago, this child was very, very young when it happened!
We can all understand wanting to respect the privacy of an abused minor child. But these records were not simply sealed- they were destroyed. Why?

I must now admit- I never liked the Duggars or their little “See what great Christians we are!” show. Their belief system and way of life seem weird and wrong to me.
BUT…. unlike the Duggars and their Dominionist theology, I do not believe that just because someone’s life seems bizarre to me means they shouldn’t be allowed to live it! I wouldn’t try to have a law passed making them less than full citizens, or to permit restaurants and bakeries to refuse to serve them because I think they’re perverts.

So the whole story came out this week and Josh quickly lost his job with the FRC, where he was gainfully employed campaigning against the sexual immorality of gay people… because irony, like ragweed, is in full bloom. (His mother said that homosexuals, if given equal rights, will ‘molest your children’. Really.)

Then  Josh issued his little fauxpology, and according to the rapture-right, led by Mike Huckabee, we are now supposed to forget the whole thing and move on. I would like to unpack Josh’s words a bit.

After saying that yes, in his childhood he had made ‘a mistake’ Josh said,
          “I confessed this to my parents who took several steps to help me address the situation.” 
You confessed it after you got told on, Josh. One of your victims told on you. And you “addressed tthe situation”? You mean the fact that you were molesting younger children who are your sisters is just a “situation” to you? Nobody addressed it for at least a year as far as we can tell, and the attacks continued.

 “We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing,”
That is not true. THEY spoke to authorities. Your parents refused to ever let you speak with the people who investigated.

“… and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling.” 
Those affected by your actions? You mean YOUR SISTERS? Are they not even people to you? 
    Sending you to do home remodeling work and then to stay with a known sexual harasser is hardly ‘counseling’ as the rest of civilization understands it. Teens who are sexually abusing younger children need intense and immediate therapy by professionals if they are ever to get better, and so do their victims.

I understood that if I were to continue down this wrong road that it would end up ruining my life.”

  And there it is. It would ruin YOUR life.
It’s all about you, isn’t it Josh? Even now, at 28 years of age and with 4 children of your own, you can’t see this in any terms but your own. You didn’t come to see that what you did was hideously wrong, abusive and selfish. You came to see that it wouldn’t be good for YOU.

   I have tried to avoid being too judgmental of Josh Duggar as a person and focused on his actions, because I am not unbiased. Nor am I perfect. But with those words he confirms for me that he is a thoroughly self-centered person who has no empathy at all for the pain of others.
    Sir this “apology” of yours is bullshit.

This whole sordid mess makes me sad. And angry.

It makes me angry because Josh Duggar was never given any REAL help when he was young and desperately needed it. The ‘help” his family gave him was like faith healing for a child with diabetes. Worse! When he needed treatment, they took him to other abusers, for crying out loud!

I am angry because, to our knowledge, his victims never got any help either. The family says he apologized to them- good. That’s a step. But we also know his sisters were raised to believe that sometimes abuse is the fault of the victim! In that environment, how healed can they ever be?

I feel angry because of all the people rushing to defend these parents.
Let’s not sugar-coat this. Mom and Pop Duggar abused these children by not getting them the help they needed! All those years, they had to live with their abuser right there, like a wolf in the fold, probably always wondering if he would do it again.
Look- I totally understand a parent not wanting their child to go to jail- but to not even get him a therapist? What they did meets the legal definition of Child Neglect- a fact Jim Bob Duggar should well know because, when he was an elected representative, he voted for a bill that defined it very clearly.
Every step of this sad story points to people who were protecting their belief system and TV contract first, their son second, and their daughters? They never even mentioned the girls in their public statements except to say that “Josh was forgiven”. Of course he was. The girls have been taght that to withhold forgiveness when God has granted it is to defy God!
If they never helped or protected their daughters from the predator in their home, who knows what other ways the kids are still being emotionally abused today?

I’m incredibly angry because of statements from supporters and friends saying “This was an issue between family members and they’ve come to terms with it. Move on”
Yeah… not so much.
If Josh had stolen money from family members and they had dealt with it and forgiven him- fair enough! Let’s move on. I wouldn’t hire him as an accountant, but whatever.

But what Josh did was commit a sex crime. Not a violent one, to be sure, but one that is taboo in almost every society on earth. And he did it repeatedly, with multiple victims. And he was never treated or counseled about it- EXCEPT BY OTHER ABUSERS AND PEDOPHILES!!!

If there’s one thing we know about sexual predators (and this boy preyed on his sisters!) it is that THEY DON’T JUST MAGICALLY GET BETTER BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. They need treatment to have any chance at all! Otherwise they remain a danger to people around them.
And yet we’re supposed to be unconcerned about it and ‘forgive’ him because he was ‘honest’ about it and repented and ‘got right with God’. Poof. All better. Pay no attention to that sex crime behind the curtain- it’s between Josh and God.

Except he was *not* honest with the American public watching his damn TV show, from which he and his family made a ton of money, was he? Or with the families of the other children he was allowed to be around.
And God may indeed have forgiven him, but would you ever want to allow an UNTREATED sex offender to be a teacher, or youth minister, or let your kids have slumber parties at his house?

I feel angry because his repentance is seen by so many as all the penance that’s needed. As if his weird belief system makes what would be a terrible crime for you and me, ok for him! As if faith alone is a magic shield that keeps bad things from happening when clearly, if an abundance of religious fervor was all that was needed, this would never have happened in the first place.
As if Jesus is a “Get-out-of-Consequences-Free” card for his followers.

And oh yeah- I feel scared, because Josh Duggar now HAS YOUNG CHILDREN OF HIS OWN.
I feel very sad and scared for those little ones. Even if their father never ever lays a hand on them, it’s a safe bet that if one of his sons starts getting grabby with his own sisters, Papa Josh is NOT going to take that child in for actual treatment! Not for that or for anything else that might happen, from drug use to bulimia.
Too much depends on secrecy, on his “look, Jesus fixed me and I’m pure now!” image.
After all this, he is going to cover his hyper-spawning ass, and whatever problems are in his family (and most families have ’em) will be buried as deep as he can dig.

Religious liberty IS important. It is also a two-edged sword.

I’m pretty sure that if this case involved a family of Muslims or hippie atheists, the Duggars and their friends would point to this as proof that heathens have no morals, that a house without Jesus is full of evil and children must be raised as pure Christians to protect them.
Yet Duggerpologists and Christplainers out there (and they are legion!) see any negative reaction we (heathens) have in this case as proof that Christians are persecuted. Bring on the nails and crosses!

Still, we mustn’t swing the other way and start seeing the Duggars as proof that all Christians are perverts.
Nor, as tempting as it is, to think that people shouldn’t have a right to raise their kids differently. I think that their faith model of unquestioning submission to authority is sick and wrong, but I’m sure they think that much of what I believe is wrong.
And I don’t want to let my understandable anger that they would dare to call homosexuals “unnatural” while this is going on in their own house rule the day and allow me to think I have a right to tell them how to live, the way they try to tell ME how to live.

Their religion is not our business.
But abuse of children IS.

So how do we try to deal with this situation, and these at-risk kids all over America, silenced by their parents ‘faith’? You can’t legislate religious beliefs- even crazy ones!
…until they hurt other people.

We have to focus on the actions, not the belief system. We can’t, as much as we would like to, ride in and force all kids into public schools where they learn actual science and how to ask questions and that they do not have to become who their parents want them to be.
But I think we can insist on better requirements for parochial and homeschool curricula, and thorough yearly PROFESSIONAL assessments.

And the first thing I would like to see is NO STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS FOR CHILD MOLESTATION OR ABUSE.
None. EVER.
50 years after the act- if we find out about it, we can go after you. And if you covered it up for someone else- we can go after you too.

So I feel no gloating satisfaction, of “Aha I always knew that much religion was a sickness” validation in this tragedy- and it is a tragedy. One that is still on-going in many ways.

In my very humble opinion, after understandable horror and curiosity, we should try to make some concrete sensible changes.
We will never be able to prevent all emotional or physical abuse of others:by cults or by any non-religious groups or individuals.

The best we can do is keep watch.