Soapbox

Open Carry Black

Dear America- Racism is not a problem in America. Talking about racism, though, is causing all kind of trouble! 

    The good (white) people of FOX News want you to know that they are not racists, nor are they entitled. Anyone who says they are, clearly IS a racist: a reverse racist, which is totally a thing.
   Yes, there would be a lot more peace and unity in America without all those minorities who talk smack about the majority in power. Those reverse racists are really stirring things up, so much so that white folks can't even walk around Walmart with a semi-automatic rifle while not being shot at without someone 'making it about race'.

   There is simply no need for America to have a dialogue about race- unless it's to talk about how unfair it is to call someone a racist. But to talk about racial bias, about the ways the system punishes black citizens more harshly than whites for the same infractions is playing the race card.
    The only proper way to deal with what you perceive to be racism is to shut the hell up about it! Just ignore it and be on your way. Well …if you can be on your way… if you're not face down on the side of the road in zip cuffs.
    But you know what-  if you are, it's probably your fault!

   Sean Hannity knows for a fact that this blather about black folks getting roughed up by cops more often that white folks is just race-baiter whining, yessiree.
   And the way he knows is that when his rich white ass gets pulled over by the cops- he just speaks to them respectfully, lifts his shirt and shows them the butt of the legally registered firearm that he has tucked into his pants… and they say "Nice piece, Mr. Hannity. Love your show, by the way!"
    So you see? If a rich, famous white dude can get along with the cops, what are you inner city hip-hop thugs whining about??

    And America- you have got to stop bitching about white cops shooting unarmed black people!

    First: because black-on-black crime!! Black people shoot black people too! And that negates the bi-weekly shooting by a white cop of a minority citizen, just the way your 2 kids getting into a fight means shut up and stop complaining about me stealing your car.
    And second, can we please stick to facts and stop talking about this unfortunate Michael Brown incident as a case of a cop shooting an 'unarmed teenager'?! That's totally misleading and unfairly biased against the officer involved!
    Michael Brown was over 6 feet tall, and over 200 lbs. And it's a well-known fact that size adds years to a person, so at that size, he was at least 21 or 22 and not really a teenager at all. (Hey all you beefy high school football players out there: you may be only 16, but if you're wearing size 13's and ducking through doorways already, FOX wants you to know that you are an adult now. So go have a cold one on them!)
    And please! Any black man of that size IS armed folks: he is armed with a whole shit-load of blackness! All that minority rap-Muslim-brotherhood-roaring black-panther-power is almost as dangerous as a Tec 9 (and clearly way more dangerous to a cop than anything Sean Hannity carries in his pants).
   And if he's black, and he's a little belligerent, and walking down the street all sagging and gangsta ball cap-ish- well any cop knows he has a gun! And if it's not actually with him at the time he gets shot- that's just a technicality. He probably left it at home and was gonna use it tomorrow, or has a picture of himself somewhere on social media, posing with a gun… or maybe a B-B gun, which Ohio cops know is the same thing.
   So when a police officer is faced with a not-teenager, not technically armed with a gun or knife but filled to the brim with all that deadly minority stuff, what else could they do but shoot 10 times!!… several shots as he was running away, the rest while he had his hands up? I mean: did I mention that he was black? And jaywalking. And really, really black? 
   But look- I'm not saying that in a racist way… it's just a fact.

    Talking about racism all the time implies that it's white people's fault that so many criminals are black! It's not that we've got all the power, the jobs and the opportunity: you're just thugs.
   Well ok, some of you probably aren't, but how are we supposed to tell? A black person once broke into my house, so I'm permitted- nay, I'm supposed to be afraid of all black people.

    And no: the fact that so many officers from the Ferguson PD have been caught saying incredibly violent and racist things isn't evidence that there is a racism problem in America.
   Nor is all those people donating money for officer Wilson's defense / vacation fund while saying things like "one more animal put down" or 'he should have done us all a favor and shot a few more- I'll buy him the bullets".
  That's TOTALLY not their fault! They wouldn't be saying things like that (…in public media where everyone can see it) if all the black power agitators hadn't goaded them into it by protesting their kids getting shot!

   The Ferguson police didn't put on riot gear and tear gas people in their own front lawns and fire rubber bullets at camera crews and preachers and break into churches to steal Maalox because they are authoritarian power-freaks! Don't be silly! 
    They did it because the black people forced them to do it… by getting together in such large groups and being black (which as we have already established, is a clear and present danger).
   …And by complaining to the media. It's really outrageous to make a fuss about what you perceive as injustice towards people like you!
    Well… unless your beef is that you're being discriminated against as a Christian, because wow- that is totally a thing in America today! And anyway, Jesus wants us to talk about that on TV.
   And ok, it's true that atheists in riot gear aren't exactly shooting at Christian kids who are singing Christmas carols or using the term "Christmas tree' and then saying that the kids have too much wealth and too much Jesus to be considered "unarmed teenagers' … but it could happen! Obama says "Happy Holidays" after all!

    In conclusion, America:  stop all the protesting and making speeches! 
   Unless you're the Tea Party.
   Or open carry gun patriots.
   Or a guy who doesn't want to pay his grazing fees. That's different. That's about something important: government oppression. Kids getting shot just happens, people! You can't turn back the tide!
    And stop complaining about the police! And thinking that shoplifting or changing lanes without a signal shouldn't carry a death sentence. Sheesh.
   And stop all the voting. The only things worse than protesting racism is getting reverse racists to register to vote. That's  playing the race card and the voting taxpayer card, and we're not going to stand for it.
    And for sure, stop taking pictures of the cops shooting black people!  If you stop filming every random beating and shooting that happens and then bitching about it, I think you'll find that there will be a lot fewer stories like that in the news.

    And if you could manage to stop being black… that would really be great. Thanks.