Soapbox

     I looked up from behind my counter, surrounded by frames to- you know, hang on the wall, and blinked.
     "Ah… Sure." I pointed to my left and smiled. "All these aisles here are wall frames."
     "Thank you. Uh, could you show me? I'm kind of… this is the first time…"
     The first time you ever tried to buy a picture frame?  I wondered. I would have thought that by age 30 this would have come up before, but perhaps she had led a sheltered life.
     "No problem" I walked to the first row of frames. "What kind of frame are you looking for?"
      "I…just… something to hang… on the wall…" Ok, clearly that was to tough a question. Try a different one.
      "What size frame do you need?"
      "Oh well…" she began making vague motions with her hands "You know- the standard size."

      Fortunately I had my back to her because I know I rolled my eyes. So it's going to be like that I realized. The woman was perfectly nice, just perfectly clueless. Ah well, that's why the pro is here.
     "Well they're all a standard size in the ready-mades" I said breezily. "Our wall frames start at 8×10 and get larger" I  picked one up to show her.
     "No, that's too big."
     I explained that we don't carry wall frames smaller than that, so she would either need to use a tabletop frame or use an 8×10 frame with a mat for a smaller picture.
     "A mat? I- how would… that just sounds too complicated"
     Normally I would disagree, but perhaps, in this case, she was right. There are occasions where I struggle to help a customer understand why a mat or a frame for a 5×7 picture must actually be a bit smaller than 5×7. "So the picture doesn't fall through!" I say, but sometimes that's not enough and I have to grab one of our 'oops' frames to use as a visual aid. Some people are visual learners.

     Then I remembered that we have just started carrying some cheap little clip frames with dual hardware on the back, and I walked her over to them.
     "You can either stand it with the easel here, or just hang it" I said, turning it over to show her the back.
     "Where do you hang it?" she asked.
     On the WALL  I managed, through Herculean effort of will, not to say.
     "You put this part over your nail or hook." Language can be so imprecise!
     "Oh! That should work." I turned and was walking away when she added "Now this is the standard size?"
     "Well, this is a standard size" I said and kept on going because I realized that, with 10 days left on the job,  I had just reached the limits of the damn I felt like giving.
     Not another Christmas in retail!!  I reminded myself, and I think I may have skipped a step.