Soapbox

    I once read an account of a girl in Saudi Arabia, in her early teens, who was gang-raped by her brother and his friends. They were at her house having a party and she was upstairs, trying to study. The party grew very loud and she went downstairs to ask them to quiet down a little and was brutally attacked.
    There was a trial, and in due course she was sentenced to be stoned to death. SHE was. For the crime of tempting these poor young men. I mean, that harlot, what else could they do when she came walking in with her flannel pajamas on and asked them to turn the music down? Her indecency caused them to lose control and forced them into this act.

    In America, thank God, we don't stone our young rape victims… with actual stones. We use twitter, text messages, blogs and the national news. We hurl our hate until they bleed.

    It is only the latest case, but the recent verdict in the Steubenville rape trial is a perfect example. If you listen to the press and read the accounts on many blogs, those poor boys were victimized by a drunk 16 year old harlot who ruined their bright futures by forcing them to assault her. No one denies it happened (they took pictures! that's how bright they are!) and no one even claims she said yes. Their entire defense, the reason half the community was outraged that she would file charges against these football star heros?
She didn't say no.
   See, she was drunk. Very drunk (and possibly drugged as well, but the police lied and told her they couldn't test for that, so we'll never know for sure) and apparently, in America, if you are female and you wear short skirts or tight blouses and you drink, then you want sex. With anyone.
    Drunk = yes.  Insensiate = yes.
   Well it must, to judge from the "she should have known better!"  and 'she was clearly asking for it" commentary.

    Hey, guys, let me ask you a question. If you invite someone you work with into your home for dinner and before they leave they steal your wallet, television and computer- do the police, the media and your neighbors say "Well what did you think would happen when you let them come in? Can you blame the guy for assuming that you *wanted* him to have your flat-screen TV when you made him stroganoff? Are you sure you didn't say he could have it and then regret it the next day when you wanted to watch the game?"
   And when (if) they charge your former friend the burglar, does his defense attorney sift through your dishwasher and recycling bin and say "Your honor, he had a beer with dinner!!! No wonder my client thought those items were his to take!"

   So can we just get one thing straight? Clothes are not 'asking for it'. Flirting is not 'asking for it'. Dancing with a guy at a bar, or walking to your car alone or having sex with some other man last night– none of these things are 'asking for it'. The only thing that is 'asking for it' is  actually asking for it!!

   Despite the best efforts of some of the community (who were appalled that she would threaten their testosterone-ruled status quo) and her fellow party-goers (who thought it was hysterically funny that this unconscious girl was getting assaulted)  a 'guilty' verdict was handed down. The media gravely informed us of this solemn occasion and practically wept for these poor young men, whose once-bright futures had been brutally cut short by this tragic event, which would label them 'sex offenders' for life and possibly end their dreams of college.
   No one mourned for the victim and the dreams she had which may now be ended. Reviled, labeled a slut and a liar who set out to destroy the football dreams of an entire community simply because 'When you wake up drunk and naked, you have to come up with some excuse to tell your parents!" and -Oops!- mentioned by name in the national media… no one wondered how the rape, let alone the trial, will affect her future.
    Will her family have to move to escape the harassment and  threats of violence? Will her father have to take a lower-paying job somewhere else and be unable to provide her with money for college? Will she become withdrawn, afraid to go to parties or even be in crowds for fear of what might happen to her there? Will she suffer insomnia and depression, realizing that for the rest of her life she will be 'that rape girl"?

   This is a sad story without a happy ending for anyone, but let's be quite clear on this: if those young men's futures have been ruined, they were ruined the moment they committed rape, NOT because they have been held accountable for their crime.

    There are so many depressing tales to tell here. There is the story of a society that is dangerously unconcerned about underage drinking, the story of the 'haves' (in this case the football community) and the 'have nots', the dangers of social media  and the insane need to broadcast your cruelty, racism or even criminal behavior to the world. (Police combed through literally thousands of  calls, text messages and tweets sent by kids at the party about the incident- but not ONE of them contacted the police)
    It's the tale of a nation where a United States congressman testifies that women frequently lie and say they were raped as an excuse to get an abortion, another agrees that 'some girls rape easy' and others feel we need to differentiate between 'forcible' rape and… the other kind.
   And the bizarre, tragic story of a society that seems to believe that its young women are nothing but sexual receptacles for men so weak that they cannot reasonably be expected to control themselves if an inebriated girl in a short skirt smiles at them.
 

UPDATE: the defense attorney for one of the young men in this case has announced his intention to appeal the verdict on the grounds that his 16 year old client is young and his brain is 'not fully formed'. Therefor it is unreasonable to label him a sex offender for something he did with an unformed brain.

    There is indeed some science behind the idea that for all their bodies may look mature, the highest reasoning abilities of teenagers are not yet fully formed. But I have two thoughts on this claim.
       ~We try 16 year olds as adults all the time, and sentence them to life in prison. I'm not saying I completely agree with this, but if 'fully formed' doesn't carry water there, why should it here?
       ~This young man clearly believes himself mature enough to drive a car, to drink alcohol (despite society telling him he is not yet ready) and to have sex. But he wants us to believe that he is not 'fully formed' enough to know that he should not assault an unconscious girl? Really? Because concepts like respect and boundaries and understanding what assault is are such incredibly high reasoning skills that he shouldn't be expected to have them yet?

   Yeah, try again. If this society is willing to swallow the premise that our 16 year old girls are mature enough to be held responsible for being 'teases' or 'sluts' but boys  are not mature enough to understand basic respect for other people, then America needs to stop letting her young men go out without a leash.