Soapbox

Shock and Awe

   I read an article recently at Raw Story entitled "10 Shocking Budget Cuts the Republicans Voted For".

      Which first of all is ridiculous, because these things are only shocking if you have been asleep since the days of Newt Gingrich's "Contract on America "when they served notice on the poor, the ill and the different that they were no longer considered part of the American Dream.
     But still the whining liberals are shocked.  Boo hoo! Well since Glenn Beck is too busy with his latest chalkboard acid trip and Rush is all out of Oxycontin right now and so not at the top of his game, I will undertake to address these budget cuts that have liberals so horrified.

   ~The National Weather Service. Typical of big-government liberals to totally not get the danger posed by the government "nanny state" telling hard-working Americans to stay away from tsunamis and hurricanes. First they want to take away our freedom to let our kids develop diabetes by age 15 on a diet of Twinkies and Big Macs- and now this!
    I'll tell you what- the founding fathers didn't need any weather service! If it snowed, they got a coat and if it rained, they wore a three-corner hat! If it was good enough for them, it's good enough for us. Cut the funds!
    Besides, the name sounds too much like "National Public Radio" and we all know what those guys are up to!

   ~Emergency Oil Reserves  There won't be any emergencies if we just drill, baby drill! And if some other country tries to cut off our supply- we'll just invade 'em.

    ~Assistance for Firefighters/ Communication for Emergency Responders– Yeah, figures those union-huggers would get upset about this. What part of the protests in Madison left you with the impression that firemen are good guys? They are robbing tax money from the pockets of hard-working millionaires, just like those greedy kindergarten teachers. (Imagine thinking that a lifetime of sweat and service entitles you to a good pension!)  Anyway, firefighters are big, strapping guys- they can just yell real loud when they want to communicate. The money is totally unnecessary.

   ~Oversight of Financial Markets– Please. "Oversight" is just a liberal code word for "regulation". What part of the last decade would make anyone think that we need more of that? Sure there have been some, er, blips in the economy, but I am here to tell you that they were caused by too much intrusive government regulation! Ponzi schemes, junk bonds, over-speculation and bank failures… they're nothing that a good dose of the free-market, free from burdensome regulation couldn't cure!
     That and a tax cut.

   ~Prosecution of Financial Crimes.  What financial crimes? The only crimes I see are liberals trying to stifle the free market. Cut it!

   ~Helping Women Escape from Domestic  Abuse. D?! A woman at the emergency room with a black eye and a spiral fracture is not an assault victim- she's just an "assault  alleger". Anyway, women belong in the home. If you let them escape, they'll just go off and take men's jobs and have abortions.

   ~Helping Teens Avoid Unwanted Pregnancy–   "Just Say No" there. Problem solved. Didn't cost a cent. Damn, this budget stuff is easy!  Next!

    ~Helping Young People get Jobs.  How is it the responsibility of the Republican party to reduce unemployment? Jeeze, you'd think we had campaigned on a platform of creating jobs or something!

   ~Helping International Children survive into Adulthood.  Seriously? Shooting this one down will be like shooting fish in a barrel.
    "International" children. Why should we spend our money on foreign kids? A lot of those kids would just grow up to be terrorists anyway. Or communists. Or communist terrorists! I mean its too bad if the babies women have overseas (in part because we refused to fund family planning to prevent over-population) die before the age of 3 from malnutrition and preventable diseases. But really, why should this be important to "pro-life" Republicans?
 

   I"m so tired of liberals thinking we can fund every single picayune cause that comes down the pike, like college tuition for low income people, or cancer screenings, or help for homeless vets. If those guys hadn't left the military, they would have a good home with Uncle Sam, am I right?
   Seriously, folks, there is a crisis here. Millionaires are feeling cramped and oppressed by their taxes! And if we have to rob from the poor to give to the rich, if we have to steal from the teachers' pensions to buy a few more bombers or provide another golden parachute for a greedy CEO… well a true American would stop complaining and pony up!
   Now all you liberals should get back to work…. assuming you hippies even have a job.