Soapbox

Open Wide

Parenting is about letting go.
The first unbinding is at birth,
when you release the child from under your heart.
You surrender them a thousand times in those first few weeks
to  eager armies of aunts, uncles and friends.
You clasp your hands together akwardly,
grinning fiercely to stop yourself
from begging them not to drop him.

Just when you've mastered that letting go with some equanimity
your baby begins to explore the world on their own
and your arms are wrenched open in another type of release,
one guaranteed to result in bumps and bruises
and some measure of tears on both sides.

Baby becomes child, and mother encounters
school days, sleep-over, weeks at summer camp with strangers
and again and again you must open your arms, just a little wider
and surrender knowing that their hair is combed, jacket zipped,
that they are saying "please" and "thank you".
Then the driver's license, first job and off to college~
Open wide, and release
seeing that they get up on time and get their homework done:
let go of knowing what kind of people they hang around with,
seeing to it they eat right,
knowing without being told if they are happy, or are struggling.

Then comes the day of that final letting go.
The car is packed, a little extra cash tucked in a pocket~
Now don't argue with me, I want you to have it!
quick hugs all around and the car pulls out,
your grown-up child drives away,
off to their own home,
their own life.

You wave with a composed if slightly bleary smile and go back inside
unsure exactly what to do with these
open, empty, vestigial arms.
So you call your own mother, try to explain what you are feeling,
and as she offers you words of comfort
something in her voice makes you realize
that she is still in the process of letting you go.