Soapbox

    Today Katie got a packet from O.U. with the student profiles of all the incoming freshmen in the Honors Tutorial program. They are a small and somewhat elite group, many of whom will be living in the Honors dorm, so I guess they want the kids to have a chance to get to know each other before they are living cheek-by-jowl.
    I flipped through some of the profiles to see what they had to say. Kids!

    It’s hard to tell from a one-page questionaire but some of them sound pretty cool. I was pleased to note how many put "The Beatles" in their list of favorite music, and noted an "X-Files" on one list of favorite TV shows! Several had put some version of "I don’t watch TV" on this line. I read this and  thought  either you’re lying or you have very strong parents!

   I particularly enjoyed seeing they answers to "Favorite Book" (and note to English teachers everywhere- not one of them answered "Bartlby the Scrivner"! Why in God’s name do you make children read this??) Some of them were:
    The Great Gatsby, Crime and Punishment   Oh please- these are the kind of answers you put down when your English teacher is looking over your shoulder, kid. What was your real favorite book?
    Catcher in the Rye  Ah, members of the Catcher cult, are you? This somewhat interesting book is one teachers love to have you read so they can seem like a cool, hip teacher, and kids like to list to seem "edgy".
    Lots of kids went for  Harry Potter (clearly those people hoping to ban these books as promoting witchcraft still have a lot of work to do) and also Catch 22, which is a good book but I didn’t read til I was like 40, because in high school I was too busy reading Bartlby the Scrivner- thanks Mrs. Fuller!
   The Poisonwood Bible  Awesome book. Katie should room with this kid.
   The Perks of Being a Wallflower  Several listed this one, which totally sounds like something I should have read in high school.
   (Katie, by the way, listed Flowers for Algernon (shout out to my old pal Hillary Keyes!) and As I Lay Dieing.)

   Another question was "The person I admire most" Lots of "my friend so-and-so’s" for this but a few interesting choices.
    Commander Spock  You… do realize he’s not a real person, right?
    Vladimir Ashkenazy  I actually had to look this one up. Good work!
    Bono and the Apostle Paul  Now this is a totally awesome name for a rock band! But I wonder if this girl knows what a woman-hater Paul was.
    One person answered Robert Kennedy, Ghandi and Audrey Hepburn. An interesting melange.
    Favorite musical group I could have pretty much skipped since I have never heard of many of their answers, although as I mentioned there was a smattering of "Beatles" and "Dave Matthews" and "Pink FLoyd".

   There were enough soccer responses to "Favorite sport to do" that I was forced to relive my mother-guilt for not getting Katie into soccer. (Note to next life- force the children to play soccer!) The Ghandi/Hepburn girl said cheerleading, which I"m just close-minded enough to think is not really a sport, even though I certainly would agree that gynmastics is a sport. I’m not sure why I have this prejudice-maybe it’s all the hand-clapping. Or maybe it’s because they don’t choose you for the gymnastics team based largely on how cute and popular you are.

   The last question asked "In 10 years I hope to be…" My darling daughter answered "Not living in Columbus". Ouch!   Several gave some version of changing the world. I sure hope someone does! Many simply said  happy which is a pretty good answer if you ask me. Because really, the rest comes out in the wash.
   Most listed a career goal within their chosen field of study- good luck with that! The best laid plans, as they say… (hey, come to think of it- no one listed "Of Mice and Men"  as a favorite book. Too bad)
   I loved the English major who said to own a home and have a good-paying career . Dude- you’re an English major!! You may want to re-think a few things!
   One replied Celebrating the 10th anniversary of filling out this wonderful form. Ah, sarcasm! Well done, Grasshopper! Another replied completely disconnected from society. Okay…. it’s good to have a goal, I guess.
   Still Living life to the fullest!  made me laugh myself silly. Holy cow sweetheart! At the advanced age of 28 you want to still live life to the fullest! Most of us pretty much pack it in and head for the rocking chair by 25, but not you!  Well God bless you and the titanium hip you’re going to need by age 29 if you don’t slow down! (Never talk about feeling old around a woman about to celebrate her 50th birthday!)

   And hands down, my all-time favorite answer: In 10 years I hope to be… or not to be. But perferably, "be".  A smart-ass! I totally forgive this girl for chosing Wuthering Heights as her favorite book.

    All in all it sounds like an interesting bunch.  Perhaps Katie will find a new best friend among them.

    Today was the senior breakfast and award ceremony for my daughter Katie, after which I dropped her off at school for graduation rehearsal. I have to admit, I"m feeling just a bit choked up.
   She came away weighed down by all the sashes and medals she has earned by her incredibly hard work for the last 4 years, but the child is nothing if not determined. She must get that persistence from her father, as she does so many good qualities (like her ability to do math!) because while intelligent enough I think I was pretty unfocused in high school. (OK, lets be honest: I’m still rather unfocused!)
    At the end of the ceremony they asked all the kids to come up to the front and un-spooled a big ribbon. In school colors (sliver on black) it said "2009" about every foot. The kids stood in a circle and each took hold of the ribbon until it went all the way around the circle, symbolizing their class and the sense of community they share. Then one by one the kids were cut apart to go their separate ways, but each retaining a section of the ribbon to keep with them as they go.

   As I watched my daughter standing there in the mob of laughing, jostling kids I thought of the times I let go of her small hand to let her stagger- and fall, stagger- and fall…  wiping her baby tears and setting her back on her feet because she was determined to try again. I thought of  letting go of the back of her bicycle and watching her go careening down the sidewalk toward disaster… and washing her scraped knees and helping her back on the bicycle.  I remembered walking her to the school bus for the first time and watching her disappear inside, knowing that adventure but also frustration, disappointment and bullies would be waiting for her. I thought of handing her the keys and watching her drive away by herself for the first time… and then sitting and waiting for the sound of the front door opening to pronounce her safe return. And of course the big one still looms: taking her to college and somehow leaving town without her.

   Sometimes it seems that parenthood is just a series of letting go- to fall down, to make mistakes, to break their heart… to find their own way. Despite her tender heart I am sure that my persistent, dynamic child will find her way pretty well. I hope it doesn’t take her too far from me. And I hope that she realizes how much of high school she will take with her.

    I wish I could go back to my last day of high school. Oh, I don’t want to be 17 again and God knows I don’t want to relive high school!  Aaugh!  But if I could just have that last day back- that last glimpse of all our young, hopeful faces, that last chance to make my mental as well as physical farewells…
    I would love the chance to spend a few minutes with the people I never bothered to get to know because I thought we had nothing in common- but oh, we did. I would like  to hug the people I didn’t hug because I thought they might think I was strange…  to speak a last friendly word to the people that I didn’t realize until much later that I would one day miss and to smile at the ones who I now know would die far too young.

   Tomorrow I"m having lunch with a friend from my high school days. We rode the bus together and chatted at the bus stop every morning, and she was on the crew for some plays we were in. We were never best friends but I liked her very much, yet when high school was over, I walked away without a thought. She was the past, and I was on to the future.
   She lives in Michigan now, but she’s one of the group of people from the class of ’77 with whom I have reconnected- mostly on the internet- in recent years. I love her sense of humor and her great attitude about life. She sent encouraging messages when Ted lost his job, and now that her husband is undergoing some nasty treatment for an aggressive cancer, I try to check in on her once a week. And when she realized that she had to drive through Columbus on a business trip south we arranged to meet for lunch. 
    30+ years after my own graduation I really treasure the chances to get together, even with people I didn’t know that well. Is it the age we were then, or the age we are now that makes those years we spent cooped up together 5 days a week seem like such an unshakable bond? Whatever the reason, I am glad for it.

    I looked at Katie’s smiling face today and I know my daughter isn’t really taking it all in, appreciating it all the way I would if I could do my goodbyes again. Well, who can at that age? She can no more imagine now  what it will be like to be my age than she could have, in kindergarten, imagined what it would be like to graduate from high school.
     It is a cliche, but youth truly is wasted on the young, I suppose. High school can be a really difficult experience, (for some of us really really difficult!) but the reward for the effort is all these amazing people that you get to have some amazing experiences with… and then take them all for granted.  But  if you’re lucky, you look back years later and realize what you had, and find an opportunity to say to at least some of those people, "Turns out, I’m glad we were there together."