The Way to a Woman’s Heart
Yesterday morning we signed the contract for our new roof. I was discussing with the roofer the trees that are growing up along one side of the house and will make their job tough. I told him I have been working on cutting them back since he came out a few weeks ago for the estimate and mentioned them to us. I wasn’t sure if I would get finished though, because that all I have is a little hand saw, and it takes a LONG time for a woman to climb up on a ladder, cut those big branches off and then cut them up small enough for the yard waste people to take them away! Plus it keeps raining.
"I'll do my best, if the weather clears up" I promised.
After the roofer left we went out to lunch together, and as we were going back to the car, Ted put his arm around me and said "Come on: let's to go Home Depot and buy you a chain saw!"
And we did!
Damn: my very own chain-saw! How awesome is that?! I am totally psyched. One of my favorite parts of going out to help Dad work at the cabin all these years (Ok, besides the father-daughter bonding, yada yada yada) was getting to use his chain saw. Mine is electric, of course. My trees aren't that big or numerous that I need one of those gas-powered monsters. And this one is not too heavy for me to wield safely.
“Mom- is there a chain saw in the living room?”
I grinned.
“Isn’t it awesome? Your Dad bought it for me! Wanna saw crap down with me today? Have a little mother-daughter bonding?”
“Uhh…” she looked skeptical, then thought for a minute.
No doubt she was remembering wielding the skil saw in the scene shop. But she has rehearsal for Chorale and then a theatre meeting. So I called Becky because I figured she’ll be geeked about it, but she’s not home. Oh man- I hate it when there’s no one to play with! Ted is sure that when he gets home tomorrow, there won’t be a tree left standing in the yard, but I know how to control myself.
Jason came to get Katie about 5, and they came out to the yard where I was working to tell me when they’d be back. I showed them my saw and the limbs I was cutting up.
“Do you want to use it before you go?” I asked Katie.
“No, thanks.”
“Really?”
“I… have a tendency to break things” she said, and laughed. I looked at Jason, who was staring at the ground, avoiding eye contact.
“Jason, …” I said teasingly, “ Do you want to cut some stuff in two?”
“….Ummmmaaaaybe” he said, and grinned. Katie rolled her eyes “Well it looks cool!” he protested.
“It’s very cool” I assured him in a "what does she know?" tone, and showed him how. He cut a log in half, smiled as he handed me back the chainsaw and off they went to their bar-b-que.
A word of advice gentlemen: never underestimate the aphrodisiac effect of a power tool. They are a whole different animal than household appliances.
Sure a good vacuum is nice to have, but as a gift it says, "When I think of you, I think of housework". Not the message you want to send.
Jewelry is nice: it says "I love you enough to spend money on you for something that is utterly useless" but what if it's really not her style? Who wants to admit they don't like a diamond?
But a power tool is, well, empowering! When your man hands you your very own chainsaw, he is saying "Darling, you are a strong, competent woman, and small trees tremble at your approach."
Zing!
Tool belts are pretty hot, too.
Tracy Meisky is a poet, writer, singer, songwriter and all-around boat rocker from way back. Feel free to look around, but if you break it, you bought it.