Soapbox

The Dangers of Science

So I’ve got this kid…and she’s really good at science. Too bad she thinks it’s boring.

Last year, in 6th grade, she did a project on water pollution. With the exception of taking her to the science store to buy water test kits and driving her around town to get water samples from various lakes and rivers, she did it all herself. She was careful to use controls and researched her outcomes and what they meant. We were quite proud of her, and she won a “superior” rating, which qualified her to go on to the District Science Fair.

“Oh crud. Well… I”m not going” she said.
“Oh yes you most certainly are!” her parents replied.

So she did, and she hated it. They set her up in a room with high school kids who had done projects with OSU researchers and had presentations entitled “The Effect of T-cell Supression on the Immune Response of Gamma Positive Mosquitoes” and things like that.
She looked around her and said “Oh great! Thanks for making me come here with my rinky-dink little experiment!” What rotten parents we are!
Of course they didn’t judge her in the same category as those other kids, and she did well, and got a little medal, but she informed us that she was NOT going to district this year.
“If you win, you certainly are” we said. Dumb, dumb parents. We just changed the paramenters, that’s all.

Katie and her friend Jessie sucessfully made it through the science fair this year, getting only an “excellent” for their joint project, which did not qualify them for district competition. When the last of the 7 winners were announced, I actually saw them both say “whew!” and draw a hand across their foreheads!

To be fair, it wasn’t just the extra hassle and being with the fancy-pants projects that made them so determined not to advance. Last year the project we called “soap boy” went to District, which mystified us all.
“Why does some soap float?” his project asked. He tossed 3 different bars of soap in water and explained that the difference in floating was because of water displacement. But he never even demonstrated that he understood what the term “water displacement” meant, let alone tried to tinker with it and see how he could alter the water displacement of a bar of soap that sank initially. It made it seem like the bar she cleared was pretty low, frankly.

This year “worm boy” went on: Do worms prefer to eat Twinkies or Leaves?” was his question. He built a fun wormery and all, but thing is: worms don’t actually eat leaves, either! So he started with a faulty premise and only proved that worms have better taste than people and leave Twinkies completely alone. But then, I wasn’t a judge, so its not for me to say. At any rate, the girls were quite happy with the outcome of their project: Is average heart rate different for different genders and different ages?” No district competition for them.

While we were at the school the night of the science fair, one of the parents sent us over to look at the wall where the teachers had posted the nominations for “good Citizen”. They write something special about the kid or something they did that got them singled out, so of course they are all complimentary. “You need to go read what Katie’s says” she said.

Her social studies teacher said that Katie is (of course) bright and energetic, helpful and hard-working, and contributes to the classroom environment with keen insights and a very mature sense of social awareness. She called Katie a “natural leader” who will go on to be a person who does big thing for important causes in the future. This about the girl who did a deliberately lame science project so she wouldn’t have to win!

“Wow” Ted and I said, and looked at her.
“Yeah yeah, that’s me.” she said, popping a cookie in her mouth. “I donate organs in my spare time. Can we get out of here soon?” Ah, the teacher forgot to say that she’s modest, too.

Next year she says she wants to do a science project that involves microwaving marshmallow Peeps and watching them explode. Now that’s science!