Aren’t we the Real Fools?
Today George Bush reported the actual current cost projections of his medicare plan, the military efforts overseas, the deficit and tax cuts. He also released honest, un-adulterated scientific reports from the EPA and the CDC
April Fools!
The US military announced today that they have recovered weapons of Mass destruction in Iraq and that after consulting with the United Nations, they will destroy them. It was also announced that the Bush administration will cancel the so-called Star Wars missle defense policy, in keeping with their stated desire to make the world a safer place for everyone.
April Fools!
Today Donald Rumsfeld announced plans for new troop deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan, and to at last fully fund both the military effort and the reconstruction effort in these countries. This is part of the administration’s plan help the Iraqi and Afghani nations acheive some peace and stability before declaring “Mission Accomplished” and leaving them to fend for themselves.
April Fools!
“My bad.” George Bush will announce at a press conference this evening that he will no longer try to block any investigations into his administration, and will claim national security only when it is truely applicable. Declaring “This country belongs to the people and they have every right to know what is going on” Bush vowed to stop character assassinations of his critics and to engage them on the facts only from now on. This move will herald a new era of openness and accountability in government. Bush also reportedly intends to apologize for any attempts to mislead the American people and to take responsibility for what ever happens on his own watch.
April Fools!
Saying “Holy crap- how did that happen?” the Bush administration today suddenly realized that their entire economic policy, from estate taxes to tax cuts, is skewed to the richest 5% of the nation and promised to rectify that as soon as possible. Rather than worrying about whether jet-setters can buy a 4th home, it will direct resources to the homeless and the working poor. “See, we were talking about faith-based initiatives, but somehow we got a faith-based economy, and people are running out of faith. Well, you live and learn.”
April fools!
Today al Qeada announced that they are unable to stand up against the incredibly manly resolve of George W. Bush, and that due to the mighty American presence in Iraq they will change tactics. “We renounce terrorist acts against Americans” a spokesman said on Al Jazeera television. “From now on we will only target the French, because they are poncey snail-eaters who did not stand up to us.” There was cheering in the streets of America as citizens expressed their gratitude for how much safer the president has made our country.
April Fools!
Last night’s Neilson ratings showed that for some reason, millions of Americans tuned away from so-called “reality TV”. “I’m tired of seeing shows about big breasts, idiots and trash talk” one disgruntled viewer said. “We watched a show about the refugee crisis in Sudan, wrote a check to UNICEF and then turned off the TV and played Monopoly”
April Fools.
Don’t get fooled again.
Tracy Meisky is a poet, writer, singer, songwriter and all-around boat rocker from way back. Feel free to look around, but if you break it, you bought it.