Soapbox

DOMA

I have had my fill of all the self-righteous, “The sky is falling!” hysterics going on about the need for a “Defense of Marriage” Act. The very name is misleading, and frankly, insulting.

No one’s marriage needs to be “defended” against same-sex couples who wish to enter into a legal contract known as marriage, because they’re not attacking anything! How can two men or women across town who want to be life-partners pose a threat to the love and commitment my husband and I share? They don’t. What happens in someone else’s marriage has nothing whatsoever to do with mine, or yours!

A marriage is only as holy, honorable and sacred as the couple who enters into it, and we heterosexuals aren’t exactly setting a great example on that score. For centuries, marriage was a contract in which the man owned the woman, and was free to do with her as he liked. There are still places in the world today where a man can kill his wife if she “dishonors” him by doing something awful like being raped.

Today in America, we’re more progressive. Here people marry 5 and 6 times, taking it no more seriously than a seasonal fashion, and make “sacred vows” that they have no intention of keeping. Married couples lie, cheat and beat their spouses. And just when you thought marriage couldn’t get any more trivialized, we’ve turned it into a game show where people get married to win a prize, or as the result of a telephone poll! Talk about degrading the institution! Yet the churches and conservative foam-at-the-mouth-ers are pretty quiet on that front.

It seems clear, then, that what motivates the DOMA advocates to get on their soap boxes is personal moral and religious prejudices. Certainly a church has the right to refuse to perform a marriage between two people of the same sex, just as they can refuse to marry people of different religions or different races. They do not have the right to force their prejudices into the everyday lives and laws of people who do not believe as they do. People can believe as they wish, but may not make decisions for anyone but themselves on what is a family, or what is a religion- or what is a marriage.

When blacks and whites were allowed to marry, people howled that it was the end of civilization as we knew it. When women were allowed in the clergy there was the same wailing and gnashing of teeth. Yet humanity carries on. It may be that our society is not yet ready to grant all members that most basic of human values: the right to love. But I remind people that they should look in their own backyard before they complain about their neighbor’s lawn.

As for those who self-agrandizingly oppose homosexual unions, I just wish they would have the good grace to tell the truth. Call your stupid law the “God Loves us Better” Act or the “At Least I’m not one of Them” Act. Don’t try to pretend that you are defending my marriage. That kind of help I can do without.